Goodbye to the Green-Eyed Monster

I realized last month that I had received a great gift. After reading the annual trove of Christmas letters that trumpeted the wonderful successes that people (and their children, especially their children) are making of their lives, I felt not a whiff of envy!

I was very competitive in my youth. Life was a contest, and that belief made it difficult to rejoice unqualifiedly at the good fortune and accomplishments of others, even close friends and relatives, because that meant others were “winning”. It would be nice to say that it was strength of character that subdued the green-eyed monster, but the truth is that I have lived long enough to have seen—and to have experienced—the pain to which every human being is subject. I cannot begrudge anyone his happiness.

The chairman of a public company had a handicapped son whom I worked with and who became my friend. The chairman, who prospered during the leveraged buyout craze of the 1980’s, bore the burden of his son’s physical condition and occasional wild streaks. Finally, what many consider to be the ultimate tragedy to be visited upon any human being—the death of a child--befell this fine gentleman when his son died in a car accident.

As junior staff members of a national accounting firm, Solomon and I would often talk about our dreams while trudging through warehouses counting inventories or re-adding the numbers on a computer report [yes, children, that’s how auditing was done in the ancient world]. Solomon realized his dreams. He became a high-producing commercial real estate broker and began investing in California property over 20 years ago. By the time he turned 50, he was retired. Solomon began working out and lost weight, had numerous lady friends, and traveled the world. While on vacation five years ago he fell during a freak accident and died.

I have lost friends and acquaintances to cancer. All were respected professionals in their fields and, when they died, ranged in age from 35 to 55 years old. Those whom they left behind we would also deem to be “successful”, yet the survivors would trade our accolades in an instant if only their loss could be undone.

We are safer, healthier, smarter, and wealthier than our forebears—many of us dramatically so—yet we still sojourn through the vale of tears. I cannot begrudge others their happiness; indeed, I rejoice and cheer them on. . © 2004 Stephen Yuen

[Update (1/15/04): a relative hit the jackpot in Las Vegas last month. I shall feel no envy, I shall feel no envy.....]