The salad bar was busy today. The steep cost of $5.25 per pound did not dissuade low-carb dieters and sleek bobos from filling their plates. Unemployment is no longer a widespread worry, so people are opening their purses and wallets instead of packing leftovers from last night’s dinner.
Salad bar behavior provides ample evidence that profound differences still exist between the sexes. First, the patrons (matrons?): most of the customers are female. Second, women, especially when they travel in groups, dawdle over their selections. They like to ooh and ahh over each dish, speculating on its provenance. When they finally....excruciatingly....conclude through multivariate analysis that the dish meets with their exacting standards, they daintily dole the portions, teaspoon by teaspoon. Each crouton must be individually placed, just so, in its proper position on the bed of lettuce. A veritable objet d’art.
The men’s expressions alternate between exasperation and resignation. Some cast knowing glances at each other. Expectations of a quick in and out are dashed. Shoulders slump as they see the brake lights coming on ahead.
Behavior in salad bar lines is remarkably similar to that displayed at shopping malls. Unless the store purveys electronics or tools, men make a beeline to the object of their desire. Back to the car, a quarter on the meter with time left over.
For women, the journey is the destination. On the way to the shoes, one has to stop and smell the perfume, and from the perfume to the jewelry, and from the jewelry to the blouses, and…just what was it I came for anyway? And though they fondle it, inspect it from all angles, and carefully measure its length, there’s still a 50/50 chance that the item so painstakingly purchased will be returned.
At least you can’t do that with the balsamic vinegar. © 2004 Stephen Yuen
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