Sisyphean Pilgrimage

Two weeks ago I made my Sisyphean pilgrimage to Union Square to buy a birthday present for the significant other. Careful examination of purchasing data collected over the past 28 years has shown there’s only a 17.8% chance that the gift won’t be returned or exchanged. Nevertheless, the effort had to be made, because this is one area of human endeavor where the effort expended is carefully observed and deemed more important than the success or failure of the enterprise.

Her black vinyl tote bag had been looking noticeably worn, even ratty, because it had been burdened with objects such as a laptop computer that vastly exceeded the bag's design specifications. Feeling a bit chipper from the (partial) recovery in my stock portfolio and because, untypically, I knew what I was shopping for, I confidently strode into one of the designer stores and attempted to affect the breezy nonchalance of the man of means who is no stranger to such environs.

Ignoring the mental alarm bells that had been triggered by the universal absence of price tags, I posed fatuous questions about the quality of the leather trim, the look and feel of the bag under my lady’s delicate shoulder, and the availability of matching accessories, a subtle hint, of course, that we would be returning to acquire complementary necessities. I selected an elegant yet understated bag and was for the most part successful in suppressing the gag reflex when the price was revealed. (I would have been pleased for that amount to have been the monthly take-home pay at my first full-time job.)

Fortunately, Discover had just raised my credit limit, and I was able to proffer my credit card secure in the knowledge that it wouldn’t be rejected. The product was wrapped and duly presented with gifts from other family members that evening.

Her eyes widened in pleasant surprise (eureka! the outcome was already better than most) when the gift was opened, then narrowed as the process of inspection began. Color, check. Black leather trim, check. Size, check. Handles and shoulder strap, check. Pockets and storage capacity, check. But the zipper.....oh, no! The zipper! Too restrictive!

But dear, we don’t want your valuables to fall out, and I felt that the one with the flap and buckle was too inconvenient.

It was a really good gift, she said, but the zipper makes the opening too small. Perhaps we can undo the stitching and have it removed? I thought of the New Deal public works projects, in which the government would hire a crew to dig a ditch, then pay another crew to fill it. I have learned to keep such thoughts to myself.

And so it was that we found ourselves at Union Square this past weekend. Removing the zipper would prove to be impractical, so the gift was returned and my solvency restored. Shoes that cost much less than the bag were purchased at the store next door, dispelling any residual disappointment. The whole episode turned out well, because I received high marks for selecting the best of an ultimately unsuitable lot.

All in all, another beautiful day in San Francisco. © 2004 Stephen Yuen

Justin Herman Plaza and the Ferry Building on July 2nd