Friday, May 04, 2012

The Holder is Extra

While shopping for the latest in high-tech commodes, I chanced upon the no-tech retro model shown at right.

This $2,582 stainless beauty is obviously priced for Facebook founders or venture capitalists looking to, er, hop aboard the latest craze for liquidmetal.

Because there's nothing like the feel of cold steel on a winter morning.

This reminds me of a joke by humorist H. Allen Smith, reprinted below unedited (caution, language) from his 1970 book, Rude Jokes.
Freddie Fillmore woke up in his home at Sarasota one morning. He was, to employ the poetic language of youth, hung [blogger's note: American slang has changed a bit over the past 40 years]. He knew he had been to a wonderful party last night, but he couldn't remember where it had been or who had given it. The only thing that persisted in his mind was the memory of a golden toilet.

Freddie just had to find out, so he started walking around town and confronting people and asking them if they had a golden toilet. Some of these people stared at Freddie as if he were daft. He began calling at strange houses and asking about the golden toilet. He got either negative responses or strong hints that he should fuck off.

At length he came to a nice little house on a nice little street and rang the doorbell and pretty soon a beautiful woman showed up.

"What can I do for you?" she asked in a friendly manner.

"Well," said Freddie Fillmore, "I just wanted to ask if you folks happen to have a golden toilet."

Instantly the beautiful woman's eyes grew bright and she turned and yelled over her shoulder: "Hey Harry! Here's the guy that took a crap in your tuba last night!"



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