Controlling One of the Deadly Sins

(Image from Medical Daily)

One basic marker of growing up is learning how to control one's anger at other people. However, suppression isn't the answer.

What happens in the brain when you try to clamp down on that rage? A whole mess of bad stuff.

Your ability to experience positive feelings goes down — but not negative feelings. Stress soars. And your amygdala (a part of the brain closely associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

The opposite of suppression, venting, isn't the solution either.

Venting intensifies emotion....“getting it out” tends to snowball your anger.

Psychologists and neuroscientists recommend reappraisal, that is, telling yourself another story about the person who triggered your anger.

You want to scream back. Or even hit them.

But what if I told you their mother passed away yesterday? Or that they were going through a tough divorce and just lost custody of their kids?

You’d let it go. You’d probably even respond to their anger with compassion.

A reappraisal story is likely fictional--your conscious mind even knows this--but it's enough to get past your initial flash of anger and prevent your own angry response.

I now realize that I have long used a (more immature) form of reappraisal to get through the day. Whenever an aggressive driver pushes into my lane then slams on his brakes, I think about all the accidents he must have and how high his insurance rates must be. I've had my share of bad bosses who scream at their staff, and I imagine how that Type A behavior will land them in an early grave.

It's hard to be angry against someone whom you're pitying (of course, don't tell them that because that could make them angrier).