No Excuses

My last colonoscopy was in 2013, and the recommended five-year interval had passed. I'd run out of excuses.

Last night wasn't pleasant. The gastro-cleansing drink tasted like the worst diet soda ever. It did its job, however, and the last 12 sleep-deprived hours were filled with continual pilgrimages to the porcelain throne.

Compared to the preparation, the actual procedure went quickly and far more pleasantly. I was wheeled into the room at 8:30 and awoke at 9:20. Dr. Lee had removed six small polyps (there were none in 2013) and said that I should return in three years.

In April, 2022, I'll be in the throes of tax season, then there's spring planting, and summer travel, I'm sure 3½ years will still be okay....

Wandering About

After I took her to Sutter Emergency in March, I urged my friend to get a colonoscopy to ascertain the source of her abdominal pain. If she did schedule one (the procedure requires sedation, hence separate transportation), I offered to drive the 2½ hours to Placer County to take her.

As the saying goes, "Don’t let your mouth write a check your a** can’t cash.” Her appointment was at 7 a.m. today, so I drove in last night.

I had a half a day to kill, so it was an opportunity to walk around downtown Lincoln. I wandered into the Lincoln Museum, which displayed items from the mid-19th to the mid-20th century.

Kids like playing on these typewriters.
Unfortunately few know how to fix them.

A fact that you didn't know and didn't care about: Lincoln was named after railroad businessman Charles Wilson Lincoln. (That's no surprise if you knew the town was founded in 1859, before the 16th President took office.) Like other towns in California, Lincoln's economy was based on farming after the Gold Rush. Coal- and clay mining followed. All were helped by the Central Pacific Railroad, which ran through Roseville 15 miles away.

I talked with the volunteer docents, who were proud of their town's history. Seeing an Asian face, they brought up the subject of the Japanese-American internment camps. They mentioned how many of the families could return to their farms after the War because the neighbors had kept up the properties and paid the taxes. If that was even partly true, then Lincoln residents had behaved better than most.

Livestock scale.

The museum was quite small--two large rooms and a gift shop. The displays were neatly arranged, but surely there was more stuff in a warehouse. No, we don't have a warehouse, one of our supporters lets us use his garage.

It hadn't occurred to me previously, but I'll add Lincoln to the list of places to retire.

The Need Appeared Genuine

The ER waiting area on a Saturday night

A friend of ours is on a tight budget. And she's possibly hypochondriacal---though having witnessed supposedly mild diseases and injuries cascade catastrophically in the aged, I'm beginning to feel that way, too.

She said that she had a pain in her abdomen--on her left side, so it wasn't appendicitis--and needed to go to the Sutter Hospital emergency room.

From Safeway in Sacto: Dinner
and snacks for the trip back

No, an ambulance was too expensive, and she had trouble activating Lyft, which her Medicare Advantage plan said they would pay for if she could only figure out how to use it. Her siblings lived outside California, and, having moved a year ago, she had no friends nearby.

I packed an overnight bag. Our friend lived near Sacramento, 2½ hours away. True, I'm easily manipulated, but the need appeared genuine.

Arriving, I asked how she was feeling. The pain wasn't crippling.

She walked me through the instructions on how to take care of her dog and small animals in case the doctors wanted to keep her overnight. She kept using the phrase "if I should die", which seemed overwrought since she was moving about her house with twice as much energy as I. All the same, the prospect of tending to her pets long-term added fervor to my appeals to the Healer in the Sky.

At Sutter Hospital my friend 1) waited an hour, 2) gave blood and urine samples, 3) waited another hour, 4) had her abdomen scanned, 5) waited some more, and 6) was released after a final interview . The diagnosis was dehydration and constipation. All told, she was very lucky. The entire process took five hours, and the doctors didn't find anything that merited hospitalization.

She disagreed with the diagnosis. She assured me that she wasn't constipated. You should see a gastroenterologist, and you should get a colonoscopy. (She had had a bad experience with one years ago and had never been back.) Okay, but the procedure is much easier nowadays. Please think about it.

I am not eager to repeat this experience, but if she does have a colonoscopy I'll drive up to take her.

In and Out

Our patient 493077 is in Recovery (Blue)

The Endoscopy Center at Stanford Hospital not only seems to be designed for its patients; it also takes into account the concerns of their loved ones.

I was allowed to sit next to the supine patient during the entire pre-operative phase; the explanations and signing of documents actually took longer than the procedure itself.

The video board in the waiting room transmitted continuous updates, greatly lessening any worries. After the patient awoke, the doctor briefed both of us about his preliminary findings--no physically obvious concerns, but we'll have to wait up to two weeks for the results of the biopsies.

We were there for three hours, shorter than most car repairs. I forgot to ask about a warranty...

Cramming for a Test

1st the cup, then the pitcher, repeat in 5 hours

Wednesday was spent drinking clear liquids and a lemony concoction that kept me up all night. It was also spent within a few feet from a porcelain bowl.

Yes, tomorrow is the necessary procedure known as the colonoscopy, about which humor abounds. Four years ago the doctors found six polyps, all-noncancerous, and I was overdue for another "scope" because of family history.

People dread colonoscopies mainly because of what they must do the day before. One is restricted to clear liquids and a medication that provokes continuous, even explosive diarrhea. The day before is unpleasant and often painful; after a few hours many patients, including your humble observer, can't wait for the actual procedure to start.

I would say more, but sorry, gotta go.... © 2013 Stephen Yuen

[Update - 12/5: no polyps! But doc says that I need to eat more fiber.]