Four Lights

There are four lights! (Star Trek reference)

When it came time to replace the 40-watt bulbs in the bathroom, only the white LED product was available at Home Depot. Because having a mixture of lights was not esthetically pleasing, I removed the incandescents and stored them away.

When the leftmost LED burned out this week, I reached for an incandescent. I had forgotten how much a warmer light changes the mood, and I will go back to the old bulbs now that President Trump's EPA will allow them again, along with the older-standard showers, toilets, washing machines and dishwashers.

(We may not have heard the last word about President Trump's action, because the energy-efficient regulations were based on the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007. The Act, in my humble non-lawyerly opinion, does not mandate specific energy criteria for consumer lightbulbs, leaving the details to the Secretary of Energy. Under President Biden consumer incandescents were banned by the Department of Energy, and President Trump's rescinding of the ban is within the latter's authority. Of course, I could be wrong...)

Sprinkler Fix

The newly working head with the broken parts.

A sprinkler head came off, but the fix was more complicated than screwing it back on. The connecting pipe had snapped, and my attempt to unscrew the pipe resulted in further twisting down the line.

The co-CEO of the household said that I should just pay the gardener $150 to repair the watering system, but I negotiated a compromise: give me a couple of days to solve the problem first, then, if necessary, we'll call him. I couldn't let the grass grow under my feet because it was wilting under the summer heat.

The task took three hours, and the cost was $50 for parts, glue, and tools. Whether I made the right choice from a life-optimization point of view is debatable, but at least I don't have to pay the gardener.

Time Spent

The 30-year-old magazine rack had fallen apart. Its plastic screws and inserts (bottom of first photo) had loosened and cracked, leaving the hardwood pieces in a disconnected jumble.

We looked online for a new one. New racks don't cost much--$20 to $50--and are made of steel wire or plastic. But there were no hardwood racks for $100 or less. (Why not spend more? Who reads magazines?)

A trip to the Home Depot fastener section didn't turn up parts that fit, so I ordered inserts, washers, and bolts (second photo) that cost a total of $31 from Amazon.

My woodworking acquaintances will sneer at the trouble in putting the pieces together.

The metal inserts wouldn't stay in the holes where the old plastic inserts were seated.

First I tried merely pushing them, but they moved with the slightest turn of the screw. Next I set the inserts with Elmer's Glue, basically the same product we used in shop class nearly (cough) 60 years ago; no luck, they still wouldn't hold after two days of drying.

Finally, I drilled the holes a quarter-inch deeper, and after some hard pushing and turning achieved success (bottom photo).

Why am I recounting this tale of a trifling repair?

A rational person might argue that there is no justification for spending $31 in materials and laboring six hours over four days to produce a used item whose market value was, say, $25.

On the other hand, monetary cost-benefit analysis is the wrong perspective from which to view activities that give one pleasure. For example some people happily garden or look after their children while others are only too glad to pay someone else to assume these "burdens."

I am at an age where I should more carefully evaluate how I spend my time.

Fixing broken magazine racks wasn't on the list, yet the task did give me some pleasure after all, and I'm glad that I did it.

Do you ever wonder whether Warren Buffett does the dishes or whether Bill Gates changes a light bulb? It wouldn't surprise me if they did.

Out with the Old, In with the SKU

The latch on the door to the garage got stuck. No amount of WD-40 would loosen it because the problem was a spring that had lost its springiness.

After disassembling the doorknob, I took the part to Home Depot.

There were shelves upon shelves of new locksets but nowhere a spare latch to be found.

The old-timers who used to work at Home Depot would have walked the customer to the spot and fished for the part out of a box.

Instead, that morning, there was only a kid, barely out of high school, who was restocking the shelves. He was proficient at scanning numbers on boxes, looking up their location on a hand-held device, then putting the box on the proper shelf.

He didn't need to know anything about hardware; he could be filling up the spaces with cans of soup or cotton socks.

I showed him the latch. He asked, "What's the "skew"?" (Yes, I know he meant SKU.)

Largely successful in eliminating sarcasm--the kid didn't deserve it--I replied, "The latch is over 20 years old. I don't think it had a 'skew.' It's a latch for a Kwikset lock."

He struggled, furiously typing on his device.

I pulled up the Home Depot app on the iPhone, searched for Kwikset, and scrolled down to the SKU (pictured) in 20 seconds. He re-entered the numbers and found the item at location L-something, hidden behind some boxes on the floor. I found a new latch for $8, so the expedition was a success.

I did give a passing thought to the old-timers. They would know what to do with the part after taking it home, but that knowledge is unnecessary to the functioning of 21st-century retail stores. The kid's job is safer, but I felt sorry for him, too. The robots are coming.

Yes, Do This at Home

The quietest Saturday night, probably ever, at BJ's

It was Pi Day on Saturday, and BJ's Brewhouse was offering a mini-pizza for $3.14. The youngster and I decided to avail ourselves of the promotion, and besides, who knows how much longer we'll be permitted to dine out? (Not long, it turned out.)

I brought out the canister of Clorox tissues and wiped down our area. Hey, I wasn't the only one doing it. Hypochondriac, thy name is legion.

We feasted on our pies, made more enjoyable by a $10 coupon that expires on April 5th. It was fortunate that we used it.

Last night health authorities ordered residents of six Bay Area counties, including San Mateo, to "shelter in place": [bold added]

Six Bay Area counties announced “shelter in place” orders for all residents on Monday — the strictest measure of its kind yet in the continental United States — directing everyone to stay inside their homes and away from others as much as possible for the next three weeks in a desperate move to curb the rapid spread of coronavirus across the region.

The directive was set to begin at 12:01 a.m. Tuesday and involves San Francisco, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Marin, Contra Costa and Alameda counties — a combined population of more than 6.7 million. It is to stay in place until at least April 7. The three other Bay Area counties — Sonoma, Solano and Napa — did not issue similar mandates.

Just outside the Bay Area, Santa Cruz County late Monday also announced a “shelter in place” order for its 275,000 residents.

The orders — which are all similarly worded — fall just short of a full lockdown, which would forbid people from leaving their homes without explicit permission. The orders (read San Francisco’s here in its entirety at tinyurl.com/waddyqv) call for county and city sheriffs and police chiefs to “ensure compliance,” and local authorities said they would not “rush to enforce” the directives as residents adjusted to understand what activities are no longer allowed. Violation of the orders is considered a misdemeanor punishable by a fine or jail time.

Businesses that do not provide “essential” services must send workers home. Among those remaining open are grocery stores, pharmacies, restaurants for delivery only and hardware stores. Most workers are ordered to stay home, with exceptions including health care workers; police, fire and other emergency responders; and utility providers such as electricians, plumbers and sanitation workers. BART will run for essential travel, and airports are not closing.

I heard the news on the radio and rushed out to buy some replacement faucets and light fixtures at Home Depot. It was a relief to discover that hardware stores will remain open during the near-lockdown; any project, no matter how small, always involves more than one trip to Home Depot.

An American Story

Ken Langone is a billionaire co-founder of Home Depot and has written an unapologetic paean to capitalism entitled, naturally, I Love Capitalism! An American Story. Like other self-made billionaires he had modest roots. [bold added]

Ken Langone (WSJ photo)

His father was a plumber and his mother a cafeteria worker. Mr. Langone worked odd jobs during high school, caddying and digging ditches...

After graduating [from Bucknell], he sought work on Wall Street, but he says that his blue-collar Italian background prevented him from landing a job at the top firms. Instead he took an analyst job in the investment department at Equitable Life Insurance Society, an insurance firm, while serving in the Army and going to business school at night.

He worked for small Wall Street firms, then helped found Home Depot, which went public in 1981.

He wrote his book because young people hear few defenses of capitalism. Without much life experience they gravitate to the ideals of

"socialism: Guaranteed income. Free college tuition. Single-payer health care. I disagree. Strongly.” He argues that such policies discourage people from bettering themselves. “I disagree with socialism not (as you might believe) because I’m a rich guy trying to hold on to my money,” he writes. “I disagree because socialism is based on the false notion that we should all be exactly equal in every single way.”

I won't be buying Ken Langone's book because I doubt it will change my world view, and, besides, he doesn't need my money. But I do agree with him about capitalism and socialism.

I look around at the most socialist-leaning state in the union, our California, where government failures abound in public transportation, education, health care, housing/homelessness and alternative energy. Despite having the highest income tax rate (13.3%) among states, collections are never enough; interest groups are always clamoring for more government spending.

(Government does deserve credit for the vast State Water Project designed in 1957; completion of its initial phase in the '70s and '80s was crucial to the development of California's economy. Wikipedia: "The SWP provides estimated annual benefits of $400 billion to California's economy." However, even the first phase of the SWP couldn't be built today. Environmentalists have called a halt to all dam- and aqueduct building.)

What has allowed California to stay afloat is capitalism, the wealth effect of having companies that are world leaders in their sectors. It's easy to tax and spend when you have a concentration of taxpaying and job-creating companies like Apple, Google, Facebook, Chevron, Visa, Wells Fargo, and Intel, all headquartered in the Bay Area and all on the list of the top-20 most valuable public companies in the U.S.

But back to Mr. Langone. Peggy Noonan has teased out the "rules for living" inferred from his book:

1. Take your religious faith seriously. His Catholicism gave him safe harbor in storms and left him “sensitive to the plight and needs of others.”

2. Marry for the long run. He and Elaine have been wed 63 years. When things were good she cheered him on; when they weren’t she let him know “she would always be there for me—win, lose or draw.”

3. You teach values by living them. Don’t say—do. People absorb eloquent action.

4. “Pray at the feet of hard work.” Be ravenous in reading about your field, whichever you wind up in and for however long.

5. Money solves the problems money can solve. Don’t ask more of it, and don’t be ashamed of wanting it. “A kid once said to me, ‘Money doesn’t buy everything.’ I said, ‘Well, kid, I was poor, and I can tell you right now poverty doesn’t do a very good job either.’ ”

6. Stay excited. Don’t be sated.

7. Admit the reality around you, then change it.

8. When you’re successful you’ll put noses out of joint, even among colleagues who benefit from your work. Be careful about jealousy but in the end roll with it, it’s human nature. When you “piss off the old guard,” become the old guard—and help the clever rise.

9. “There’s no defeat except in giving up.” You’re going to fail. So what? Keep going, something will work.

These are old-timey sayings which are cliché-ish, but that doesn't make them less true. We won't be billionaires by following them, but we'll probably end up being happier.

Not for Everyone

The fact that the ad for a barn door showed up in my inbox indicates that Home Depot still needs to do some work on its targeted marketing effort (I'll wager that there's not one barn door in my entire zip code).

Nevertheless, thousands of customers are interested, else why would Home Depot feature this item?

Which makes me appreciate again what a great, big, diverse, wonderful country this is.

Just a Mile Away

One benefit of shopping at retail stores is that one is made aware of neighborhood trends. Whole Foods is selling bare bones for meat-like prices; that clued me in to the bone broth craze.

On the negative side, thanks to the Home Depot display, I found that the wealthy Bay Area is one of the most bed bug-infested spots in the nation. Our house has so far escaped the problem, but it's good to know that I can pick up a solution just a mile away.

Cleaned Out Again

The problem recurred less than two years later; the kitchen sink took over an hour to drain. Because the waste liquid didn't back up immediately, it was obvious that the cause was a main line blockage.

We compost most of the food waste that used to go down the garbage disposal; the line couldn't have accumulated that much gunk in 23 months, right? On successive nights I poured one gallon of lye solution (a brand that will remain unnamed) down the sink and let it sit overnight. No luck.

When the Roto-Rooter guy arrived, I saved him the trouble of working under the sink and directed him to the kitchen clean-out by the side of the house. After running the machine, he was done in under an hour. The cost was over $300, 50% higher than two years ago, and he spent less time. Well, why not? We who live on the Peninsula are all wealthy [said in a very sardonic tone for all you non-native English speakers].

I have no one to blame but myself. Forget about the drought---I'm running hot water down the sink on a regular basis and applying an enzymatic cleaner once a month. I won't be needing Roto-Rooter---at least for the kitchen---again.

On a positive note, I had spent a few bucks extra for the lye cleaner that was labelled "guaranteed to work." Home Depot gave me a full refund.

Not a Huge Fan

A(nother) home-repair saga that took six months to complete but finally only a few hours to resolve. A 35-year-old bathroom fan began to rattle last year, and your hubris-infused handyman hied himself to Home Depot to pick up a replacement. All of the new fans were too big; cutting of ceilings and ducting, all beyond my skillset, would be required. I dampened the sound as best as I could and hoped for the best.

Last week the decibels rose until the fan sounded like an unmuffled car engine. I went back to HD as a last hope before calling a contractor. No luck, the fan selections all were the same, until....I spoke to an older worker.

The new motor is quiet, more powerful, and only $15.

John said he was sure that HD had replacement motors, though neither of us could see one. He went back to the warehouse and returned empty-handed. Finally, he got on his knees and rummaged around the bottom shelf (HD's shelves go back several feet) and voila(!) found a boxed motor. We opened the box and compared it to the old rattler. All the screwholes and wires looked to be in the same places, a perfect fit! And so it was.

Comments on hardware stores:
1) Always bring the old parts for comparison. It saves a lot of running back and forth.
2) Always seek out the older guys for advice. Some of them, like John, have even worked the same problem that you have.
3) The cost of contractors is so high that it's usually worth it to invest a few bucks (even up to $100) on parts and attempt the fix yourself. There's a good chance of failing, but the risk-reward ratio is huge. Just don't make the problem worse.

Double Bellows

30 years of progress:
unibody construction

The old toilet-bowl plunger--a rubber suction cup affixed to a wooden stick--finally crapped out, the cup snapping in half due to age and overuse.

At Home Depot there were four different replacement alternatives, each sturdier than the broken one I had, plus machines that could probably unplug all the toilets in the house at the same time.

I settled on a cheap but durable polyethylene model, which had double bellows for "extra force." (We'll probably all be on waterless waste systems--ugh--in 15 years, so one shouldn't make a huge investment in today's toilet technology.)

It did the trick in less than a minute. If more of life's emergencies could be solved for the six dollars spent on this one, the world would be a much happier place.