FAFO Comes to Child Care

(First edition photo by Bauman Rare Books)

A man named Spock has been blamed for why the baby boom generation purportedly lacked the strength of character of its predecessors. No, it wasn't Star Trek's famous Vulcan but Dr. Benjamin Spock, whose book, The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care (1946), sold over 50 million copies after World War II and revolutionized the thinking about child care.

Dr. Spock de-emphasized the fixed scheduling and withholding of affection promoted by pre-war education experts and advocated training of each child as an individual. (Personal note: my mother had a copy of Baby and Child Care on her bookshelf, and while I think my brothers and I turned out okay academically we certainly weren't as "tough" as our parents.)

(Lenneman/WSJ)

There is another philosophy now taking hold, best captured by the acronym FAFO. For the uninitiated, Grok explains (note: your humble delicate blogger has masked the "F" word with asterisks):

The term FAFO stands for "F*** Around and Find Out." It originated in American slang, particularly within online and social media contexts, as a pithy warning or retort implying that someone will face consequences for their reckless or provocative actions. The phrase gained traction in the early 2010s, especially on platforms like Twitter (now X), Reddit, and meme culture, where it was used humorously or defiantly to highlight cause-and-effect scenarios.

Its roots can be traced to informal, confrontational language often heard in street or bar settings, but it exploded in digital spaces due to its blunt, catchy nature. By 2020, FAFO was widely used in political, social, and cultural discussions, often tied to situations where someone’s actions lead to predictable repercussions. The term has since been adopted in various contexts, from casual banter to protest slogans, and even appeared in merchandise and media.

No specific individual or event is credited with coining it, but its spread was fueled by viral posts and memes, particularly during heated online debates.

Now back to FAFO in childhood education:

FAFO (often pronounced “faff-oh”) is based on the idea that parents can ask and warn, but if a child breaks the rules, mom and dad aren’t standing in the way of the repercussions. Won’t bring your raincoat? Walk home in the downpour. Didn’t feel like having lasagna for dinner? Survive until breakfast. Left your toy on the floor again? Go find it in the trash under the lasagna you didn’t eat.

Parenting that’s light on discipline has dominated the culture in recent decades. But critics blame the approach for some of Gen Z ’s problems in adulthood. They cite surveys that show young adults struggling with workplace relationships (was it because their parents never told them “no”?) and suffering from depression and anxiety (was it because their parents refereed all their problems?).

For parents who have spent years trying to meet their children’s emotional needs without slipping into overt permissiveness, FAFO can sound blessedly simple.

The reaction against Dr. Spock's methods didn't start with FAFO; "tough love" came into widespread use in 1968. Actions have consequences, and kids can't always count on their parents--or a forgiving world--to bail them out.