"A Good Death"

Shelli Feder

What does compassionate care look like at the end of life? What does it mean to have a “good death” today?

Yale School of Nursing (YSN) Associate Professor Shelli Feder:

What we think is a good death has changed over the decades. There is no single good way of dying. It’s really about what matters most to that person and how they want to die and where they want to die and what they want to do before they die. Part of providing good hospice care is trying our best to make sure that that happens.

One of the most beautiful things about hospice is about reframing end of life and living with a critical or a life-limiting illness. Oftentimes by the time patients get to hospice, which too often is too late, they’re tired. They have been in and out of the hospital; they’ve been stuck a gazillion times for IVs; they’ve undergone tests; and they’re tired of all that intervention and invasiveness. Hospice is an opportunity to sit down and talk about what matters most to you right now. We can’t change the fact that you’re dying. But what we can change is how you’re feeling in this moment. That’s the definition of dying well.

I have come to realize that dying is about letting go, which sounds trite because what is dying but letting go of life? But prior to that final act one has to let go of dreams unfulfilled, wishes for one's children, legacies that won't be completed. Once one releases oneself from those burdens, the feeling can be liberating. Then, perhaps, you are ready to go.