Happy Birthday, Mom

Yesterday was Mom's 95th birthday. The facility where she has lived for four years set up a conference room for her family to use. Her birthday cake was a chocolate cupcake with "9" and "5" candles, which she blew out with alacrity.

Those of us who weren't there were able to join the party on FaceTime.

Happy Birthday, Mom, and many more.

Father's Day, 2023

Napa, 2007: father and son

Mom called me on FaceTime yesterday. We asked each other about how our day is going, what we've had for lunch, and what the weather was like in Hawaii and California. Small talk is normally deplored; however, in our case there was no important information to be conveyed or decision to be made, we mainly wanted to hear each other's voice.

As usual, something reminded us of Dad. I told Mom about the takeout barbecue I had ordered last night, and the conversation turned to how Dad would spend all day smoking a side of beef or pork in the backyard. He became quite expert at wood-smoking for large group gatherings; for years he was in charge of food prep at the Honolulu Shriners' Club.

Dad passed away nearly four years ago, and I think of him every day if only for a moment. On this Father's Day may we cherish the memories of our fathers, living or not, because it all goes so quickly.

The Day of Departure

The cup leaked badly

On the day before my return to San Francisco I cleaned out the fridge, reviewed Mom's tax records, and filled up the gas tank. The next morning was scheduled for laundry, packing the suitcase, and visiting Mom.

But the first thing on the agenda was to walk to the Waikiki Starbucks, which had become part of the daily routine.

That part didn't go well. After a few minutes coffee dripped down my hands and onto my shoes. I checked the lid several times, but it turns out that there was a pinhole leak on the bottom. Auwe!

From the McCully 7-Eleven

After dumping the rest of the cup I stopped by a 7-Eleven to buy an Azuki Bean scone, regretting briefly the enthusiasm for disposing of some tasty leftovers the night before.

Departure day had a few more hiccups: Mom was fast asleep when I stopped at the assisted living facility (we talked on FaceTime the next day, but it wasn't the same), the airport Agricultural-Inspection conveyor belt was broken, causing thousands of pieces of luggage to back up, and not coincidentally my flight was delayed an hour.

It was 45 °F when I arrived at SFO, and out came the jacket that had last been worn when I left San Francisco. I was home.

Father's Day, 2021

Prof. Tannen and her late father, 97, in 2006

This is the second Father's Day without my father.

Linguistics professor and best-selling author Deborah Tannen shares advice about how to discover more about a father's life after he has passed away.

Many people go through their parents’ things when they die, and they find documents, notes, letters, memorabilia. If you’re interested, don’t pass up that opportunity.

Talk to people who knew him, such as a friend or sibling. Ask what he was like when he was young. You could also read about the place and time your father grew up in. Many fathers have been through wars or historical events.

And talk to your own siblings, to get their views of him. A father who has more than one child will be a different father to each of them.

My mother, brothers, and I have done more communicating in the last two years than in the past 20. There's usually an administrative or medical issue to discuss, but sometimes people just want to see each other over FaceTime or Zoom. Often there's a story about Dad that is new to the rest of us. We chuckle, and the recollections comfort.

Happy Father's Day!

Mother's Day, 2021

I haven't visited Mom for over a year, but I "see" her on FaceTime nearly every day.

Now that retirement homes in Hawaii allow for in-person meetings when vaccinated, I will be heading to Hawaii soon.

Meanwhile, Mom's spirits have picked up because people have been coming to see her. Yesterday she called me twice to talk about relatives who visited recently.

A couple of my brothers brought her the food she enjoys. It has every unhealthy ingredient--fat, sugar, flour, salt--that the facility feeds her only sparingly.

On Mother's Day, dear reader, may you and the mothers in your life do what pleases you.