Counselor, Heed Thyself

A friend with whom I have some business dealings gave me the bad news; he halted chemotherapy because the treatments haven't worked. No, the doctors haven't yet given a prognosis.

He wanted to talk about business. Okay.

He will call the lawyer. He'll forward the data to the tax accountant, after which I'll handle discussions. For computer issues he will talk to the IT guy. My friend was filling his calendar with detail.

After he was done talking, I assured him that I'll take care of any administrative matters that he's unable to finish.

Then I said, please think about saying things that you've always meant to say to your children and grandchildren. That's what's important. The legal and accounting stuff I can handle.

He got emotional, and we hung up a few seconds later.

Another way to show your love

I don't regret giving him advice, but I do feel guilty because I have done little to prepare for my own demise. Financial affairs are in minimally adequate shape---there's a will, a trust, and named beneficiaries where needed---but there's nothing about who I was, what I've learned, my dreams and regrets, or my hopes for those who will come after me. If they never met me, they won't know me at all.

Now that I'm mostly retired I have time to work on completing these important but (so far) not urgent tasks. As my friend showed, they may be more urgent than I think.

Note: the NIH's National Cancer Institute (cancer.gov) has published an informative booklet for friends and family: When Someone You Love Has Advanced Cancer.