"‘Funky’ wines are out. ‘F—ed up’ wines are in."

Natural wines for beginners (Chronicle)

When natural wines came on the scene, "funky" was a term of endearment. Now the aficionados say that the word is so overused that it has become meaningless.

The obvious case against “funky” is that it’s too broad. Does it mean that a wine has a specific microbial flaw, like the spoilage yeast brettanomyces or the mysterious defect known as mouse? Does it mean that it smells earthy, like soil and mushrooms, rather than fruity, like apples and oranges? Does it describe sensations that recall cider or kombucha? Does it just mean a wine that tastes different, new, unlike what you’d find at the grocery store?

It's easier to describe natural wines by stating what they are not. [bold added]

“Conventional” winemaking — shorthand for non-natural wine — is defined by technical intervention. In the vineyard, that intervention comes in the form of pesticides and herbicides. In the cellar, intervention generally comes in the form of lab-grown yeast (to control the fermentation process and regulate flavor), acid (to increase the wine’s acidity, which in turn can help the wine age better), and sulfites added at the time of bottling (to preserve flavor). Many winemakers also add sugar, which doesn’t make the wine sweet but instead, through turning into alcohol, creates the perception of “body.” (It’s common practice in Burgundy, Lefcourt notes.)

On top of that, there are more than 60 approved additives that American winemakers can use to manipulate their wines without listing them on the label.

Your humble non-oenophile had assumed that natural wines were distinguished by their cloudiness and un-crispness, in other words, funkiness. Obviously, I was wrong.

Just because a wine was fermented with native yeast, unfiltered or treated with limited additions of sulfur dioxide doesn’t mean it will necessarily taste like a dirty dairy barn.

As with any niche product that explodes in popularity, definitions must become precise, and standards must be set because....big money is at stake.

So “funky” is on its way out. Yet it has a likely successor that may inspire even more vitriol: “f—ed up.”

Nelson, of Habibi Bar, said he hears this term a lot from customers now, as a way of expressing their preference for a natural wine. It seems to go one step beyond “funky,” which could be interpreted as merely describing an unconventional wine. “F—ed up,” instead, implies a desire for an all-out faulty wine, jacked up with bacterial defects.

"F--ed up", IMHO, is a descriptor that is even more imprecise than "funky," and its vulgar origin won't play in Peoria.

True, it will be tough for the wordsmiths to come up with a replacement for funky---cloudy, earthy, organic, etc. all have drawbacks.

But the wine industry is known for its pretentious vocabulary, and it will undoubtedly be up to the challenge. Meanwhile, dear reader, twist the cap off the bottle and enjoy!