Not a Good Sign on a First Date

(WSJ illustration)

I've been guilty of phubbing, and perhaps you, too, dear reader: [bold added]

using one’s smartphone during face-to-face interactions—has been termed phone snubbing or “phubbing.” Most people perceive it to be rude, and it can have serious repercussions for the level of satisfaction in a friendship. But it often has more to do with the phubber’s personality than with lack of interest in the conversation.

In a 2021 study of young adults, the authors found that depressed and socially anxious people are more likely to phub their friends. This is likely explained by the fact that people with social anxiety find online communication less uncomfortable than in-person conversations. On the other hand, phubbing is less common among people who score high on “agreeableness,” which psychologists define as striving to avoid conflict. Agreeable people make an effort to be polite and friendly in order to maintain social harmony.

Throughout the four decades that spanned my teenaged years to the day I got my first smartphone, I was the silent one at group gatherings. Reinforcing this tendency was your humble blogger's introversion (high score on the Meyers-Briggs scale) and agreeableness (see definition above).

But that didn't mean I wasn't engaged. Observing and listening, I was ready to jump into the conversation at a moment's notice.

When smartphones became ubiquitous, it didn't require much of an effort to refrain politely from looking at them in social settings. I will admit, however, that when I'm in odd-number parties, and the conversationalists pair off in animated discussions where I'm little more than a potted plant, I do check e-mails and stock prices.

(By the way, one of the dying arts of conversation is to survey the group and try to involve everyone sitting at the table.)

It's okay to phub if no one cares or notices that you're doing it, and it's still more polite than falling asleep at the dinner table, which I did once long ago when I was the host, but that's a tale for another day.