Hands-Free Was Impossible

Ron Nagasawa of Midweek writes about a driving incident ("Phone Spam") that could only happen in Hawaii.

Zippy's spam musubi

I am a huge proponent of no hands-on mobile phone use while driving. The first thing I told my daughter when she got her driver's license was there would be no texting or talking on her mobile phone while driving. Any instance, and I mean any, and she would lose her license, period.

These days that doesn't seem to be an issue, as many newer cars are equipped with hands-free everything for your mobile phone. Unfortunately, I still see people on the road talking on their hand-held phone or texting at stoplights.

We all know it only takes one unfortunate mishap to change your life. Same goes for drunk or "buzzed" driving. I have to say, I've really noticed a lot of people being mindful of that and engage the use of a designated driver or ride sharing services. And lately, I've been seeing commercials about distracted driving.

I have to confess that I do drink coffee while driving and have an occasional snack or sandwich, but never when I'm driving in a residential area or in a city block with traffic stops. I only partake in the practice if I'm moving on the freeway.

The other morning I decided to provide a local-style breakfast - a platter of Spam musubi from Zippy's - for my staff. I threw this breakfast of champions on the passenger seat next to me and as I entered the freeway to get to work, I started to sip my coffee. If you've ever had a Spam musubi from Zippy's, you know that the urge to eat one is strong. It almost flies into your hand like Thor's hammer. Well, the next thing I knew I was biting into one of these savory offerings. I alternated it with hits of hot coffee and my life was feeling pretty darn good. There weren't many cars on the road so I was cruising.

That's when in the distance I saw a motorcycle cop pointing a speed radar gun at me. I was not speeding, I never do. That's because I drive a German sports car, albeit 15 years old, but it's still a cop magnet.

I saw him wave at me to pull over. Great, just when I was having a nice peaceful morning with my coffee and Spam musubi. I rolled down my window as he walked up, confident that I couldn't possibly have been speeding.

He politely asked to see my driver's license and I asked what I did wrong. He said, "Were you talking on your cell phone while driving?" I wasn't, but then realized he must have mistaken the Spam musubi for a mobile phone!

I said no and he politely asked me to show him my call history on my phone. I was too embarrassed to say what I was actually doing, but he said OK and I could be on my way. I caught a lucky break.

Good thing because I had already eaten the evidence.

I do think that the writer embellished the tale to come up with a good finishing line -- "I had already eaten the evidence"-- when there was a platter of substitutes to show the police officer, but the story is otherwise plausible.

One can easily mistake the rectangular spam musubi for a cellphone held to one's lips in the speakerphone position.

Next time he should buy a box of malasadas.