Too Much Too Soon

(WSJ illustration)

Polls have consistently shown that the principal subjects that married couples fight about are money, chores/responsibilities, sex/infidelity, and power/control.

Often money is listed as problem area number one, because the lack of money can be the source of enormous stress. It now turns out that large gains in wealth can also foment discord, especially if the gains occur over a short period of time,

Both gaining and losing money upends partners’ understanding of shared values, beliefs or assigned roles within the relationship. When couples cannot adjust to their new financial standing and fail to communicate their concerns or desires, the marriage may be in trouble, said researchers and relationships counselors...

Researchers [David] Cesarini and Anastasia Terskaya tracked lottery winners in Sweden for 10 years after they hit the jackpot. In a working paper published in March, their team found something surprising: who held the winning ticket significantly changed what happened to the marriage.

In the long-run, male winners saw reduced divorce risk and higher fertility, leading to stable marriages and family formation. When a woman held the winning ticket, the windfall of around $100,000 and $500,000 increased the likelihood of divorce, especially for low-income women and those who earned far less than their husbands.

There are additional strains because the sudden acquisition of wealth (e.g., lottery winnings, professional sports contracts) is often accompanied by fame. It's exceedingly difficult to work through relationship problems under the glare of publicity.

All things being equal, building one's wealth slowly allows the partners time to adjust their relationship, as well as avoid the risks of having friends, relatives, and even the general public know their business.