A Thankless Task

(Image from Carby & Carby)

We have close friends and relatives who have been executors of estates (and we ourselves are co-executors of our parents'). The job goes smoothly if the estates are relatively small--say an owned home plus less than $1 million in liquid assets--, the heirs (typically siblings) get along, and the decedent leaves a will. In the absence of those conditions, the job is time-consuming and stressful. Many people turn it down.

In many cases, estate lawyers said, people named as executors don’t want the job, or decline it. “It happens all the time,” said Roy Kiecke, an estate lawyer in Austin, Texas. “Mom and Dad come in and don’t want to name one of the kids, so they appoint brother Bob, and he goes, ‘Huh?’ ” He recommends that people writing their wills ensure their named executors are up to the job—and revisit the choice every few years.

Naming a family member feels natural, but a grief-stricken relative might not be able to cope with the task. Picking one child can lead to resentment from siblings, while having co-executors can result in stalemates.

“If you’re hesitant, then that probably means that’s not the right person,” said Chasity Sharp Grice, an estate lawyer in Memphis, Tenn.

Especially in situations where conflict between heirs is likely, it is better to choose an impartial third party, such as a friend, lawyer or accountant, estate lawyers said.

One of our California friends has spent over a year handling his mother's estate on the East Coast. There are complications because one of his siblngs passed away years ago and his kids want the parent's share, but it wasn't specified in the will. Our friend will try to do something for them, but the surviving siblings have objected.

Yes, being an executor is an often thankless task where, despite best efforts, one will end up being the bad guy.