The Times We Live and Die In

(Image from Express news)

This has been a sad year. I've attended memorial services for four (unrelated) people. They ranged in age from 66 to 90; all deaths were due to natural causes, so no one's passing was a tragedy in the life-suddenly-cut-short sense.

At each ceremony there were tears but laughter, too, as speakers lovingly talked about incidents that most had forgotten. That's how it is with memorial services--kind words for the deceased, memories of good times, and, for a few hours, suspension of any conflict among the persons gathered.

That's why the recent memorial services for John McCain and Aretha Franklin were so disappointing, even appalling. I can't fathom the insensitivity that caused some speakers to allude--though not by name--to the current President and what he does that angers them.

Just imagine if we did that in normal America---"Ruth was a wonderful, helpful teacher, not like certain individuals who didn't work a minute of overtime and are just hanging around for retirement" or "Julia was a decisive, but caring leader at XYZ Corp., unlike others in the company who enjoyed slashing budgets and managing by intimidation." No, it's not about other people, even those whom the speakers find despicable and whom the loved one may be far superior to.

I suppose the lesson is to be careful when selecting speakers for a funeral. Most are classy enough to focus on the mission--honoring a life- but some can egomaniacally deflect the attention to themselves and their ephemeral concerns.

The last thing a grieving family needs to worry about is whether a eulogist will be kind and thoughtful, but those are the times we live and die in.