Tastes But Doesn't Cost Like Chicken

Costco does demographic analysis on each of its locations.

That's how it suspected that the burgeoning middle-class-to-wealthy Asian population on the mid-Peninsula might be receptive to an expensive drink made of bird saliva. (I haven't seen the beverage for at least a year, but I give them points for trying.)

Nevertheless I was taken aback by this week's offering in the freezer section, a $179.99 box of "chicken essence."

A box of chicken anything that was about the size of a box of Oreos had to confer some kind of benefit beyond taste.

$179.99 buys a lot of Costco rotisserie chicken at $4.99 apiece (36 if you're too lazy even to do division, and now that I'm retired I feel your sloth).

Indeed, Lao Xie Zhen Chicken Essence does have health benefits:

Complete Extraction of Premium Ingredients: free-range second-generation hens whose "essence is 5 times more concentrated."

Tasty and Nutritious: what did you expect them to say? It's also got "premium pork ribs for an enhanced flavour and a boost of collagen."

Recovery From Stress and Mental Fatigue: especially useful for harried young parents. I quaffed Johnnie Walker in my day; don't judge, I'm still here, aren't I?

Replenishes Energy and Strength: we already take supplements for that. If you want to appeal to ABC's (American Born Chinese), tell them they'll lose weight.

Improve Quality of Breast Milk: "chicken essence is more effective than traditional herbal soup to promote quality and quantity in breast milk production." Maybe it doesn't say a lot about traditional herbal soup.

But who am I to mock the expensive but harmless food supplements that others believe in? Every time the household CEO reads a health newsletter, she puts a new item on the list. And so it is that the vitamin drawer now includes glucosamine, chondroitin, turmeric, coenzyme Q10, probiotics, lutein, zeaxanthin, C, D3, and B12. This week I picked up a bottle of collagen to reduce hair loss, wrinkles, and joint pain.

Cumulatively, we spend a lot more than $179.99 a year. P***ing away money has taken on a whole new, literal meaning.