When Not to Keep Score

Splitting the check (Hypepotemus image)

Time cites a study that shows that pettiness--"being intentionally attentive to trivial details"--makes a person less likable. (You don't need a study to tell you that!)

The useful finding is that if petty behavior objectively benefits another person, that person doesn't appreciate the benefit.

In one [experiment] a person paid back acquaintances in round amounts ($10, $35 and $20), while another person paid $9.99, $34.95 and $20.06. When asked which person they’d rather be friends with, the vast majority of study participants picked the person who paid round amounts. This suggests that being petty — in this case, by accounting for every last cent — is considered a negative quality, the authors say.

I don't think pettiness is the right word for the behavior that people find objectionable. Obsessive exactitude is a positive attribute if one is a brain surgeon, auditor, construction engineer, or rocket scientist.

But in the realm of friendship we don't like people who keep score; what is the precise repayment for someone helping you move, watching your dog, visiting you in the hospital, or throwing you a birthday party? There's an old joke--and truth--about an accountant being someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. However, if that accountant can turn off his calculator and close his ledger after hours, he can be a good friend, too.