Counting to Ten Also Helps

(Cartoon from Lauber and Will Insurance)

Road rage, fortunately for most people, doesn't manifest itself in actions that injure people or damage property, Your humble blogger admits, however, that he does give in, once or twice a year, to yelling at another driver with the windows up or pressing on the horn. Most of the time I use mental tricks to defuse my anger:

[CHP Lt. Daniel] Hill recommends a familiar mindfulness practice to counter rising road rage: pausing a moment, then telling yourself, “OK, this person did something rude to me. What is happening in their mind? The reason they made an unsafe lane change or cut me off isn’t because they’re trying to ruin my day; maybe their day was already ruined by someone else, so they can’t focus.” Maybe they’re rushing home to a sick child, Hill added, or are terrified of being late for a job interview.

When concocting an imaginary narrative to excuse another driver doesn't work, contemplating the cost of an auto repair that can easily amount to thousands of dollars sobers one quickly.

I also envision the other driver getting an expensive ticket or an even more expensive repair if he continues driving in the same manner. It's not kind, I know, but it gets me home safely.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I just received Time in the morning mail, and the cover reminds me of an old joke.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back.

The bad news is that he's p****d off.

Donald Trump, as even his followers would agree, is not a paragon of virtue even by human standards, but he does wield enormous power as a President whose own party controls both houses of Congress.

(Mr. Trump's power, however, pales before President Obama's, whose Democratic Party held 257 seats in the House and 58 seats--later rising to 60--in the Senate in 2009.)

As to whether he is truthfully angry, all that matters is that his friends and enemies believe he is, and he makes it work for him.

The Miasma of Emotion

The priest mused about anger during the entire sermon.

Angry people were all over television raging about Supreme Court decisions, House committee hearings, war in Ukraine, social justice, etc. etc. He wouldn't condemn anger itself. In some cases it's justified, he said; it was a motivation to action. But he's found that if he holds on to anger long it makes him less effective.

For the past decade I've stayed away from television political channels, even those which favor my politics. The "debates" always favor one side of the issue, and opposing speakers very rarely present the strongest arguments for the other side.

But the worst thing about TV political channels is that they personalize issues by running and re-running video clips about injustices done to individuals.

(Image, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

If a network wants to strengthen immigration enforcement, it shows innocents who have been killed by illegal immigrants. If a channel wants to promote abortion rights, it features first-hand accounts of women who suffered horrifically before 1973, when the Supreme Court ruled in Roe v. Wade. We can't help but be angry at people who directly or even indirectly result in others' suffering.

That's why I obtain news that has a political dimension from printed media and website articles. There's a better chance that some rational thought will poke through the miasma of emotion.

Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before: those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.--------Galatians 5:19-21

Turn Off, (Don't) Tune In, Drop Out, and Live Longer

For the past five years I've achieved a measure of peace by not tuning in to television news, which--only a slight exaggeration--pushes outrage 24/7. (I also include late night comedy, which has substituted putdowns of half the country for lighthearted laughs about the human condition.)

Internet news is toxic in a different way. Researchers have established that popular sites like Tik Tok and Facebook quickly figure out the subjects and opinions that individual users like to read about and feed them more of the same. Anger is often the by-product.

Within our cocoons it's easy to become outraged at the injustices done to "our" side by the ignorant and evil people on the other.

Do yourself a favor. Use the off switch and add years to your life.

Aging Wisely

Lee Daniels in his LA backyard.
Pajamas by Maison Margiela (WSJ)

Producer and director of critically acclaimed, successful movies (Monster's Ball, The Woodsman, Precious, The Butler) and TV series (Empire) Lee Daniels, 61, has it all together. Excerpts from his WSJ interview:

What time do you wake up on Mondays, and what’s the first thing you do?
I start at 7 a.m. I pray, which has really been new, because I didn’t do that before. As this pandemic has grown, I’ve found myself praying longer. I pray, meditate and, after, I do my hike [in Franklin Canyon Park]. I do a brief workout. I do my infrared sauna. Then I shower and begin work.

Do you have a go-to breakfast to start the week off right?
I put on 17 pounds at the beginning of the pandemic, so I had to drop it all. If you’d asked me at the beginning, I would have said pancakes and bacon. But now I don’t have breakfast at all; water is what I have. I don’t eat until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

You’re doing the fasting thing.
I’m in it to win it.

Do you drink coffee or tea?
So I lied, I’m sorry. During the holidays, I wasn’t completely fasting. I’d have a double shot of Starbucks espresso with eggnog. I’d put it in a blender with ice. If I wanted to treat myself, I’d put a slab of whipped cream in it, but that’s rare.

Do you take any vitamins?
Once you get past 60, you take everything under the sun. I take eight or nine every day: vitamin D, a men’s 50+ daily multivitamin, vitamin C, Flora Plus, lecithin, an advanced probiotic... adrenal support and liver detox.

Do you have a time-management or efficiency hack?
The last thing I do before I go to bed is I look at my schedule for the following day, and that really gives me an understanding of whether it needs to be edited, altered, [if] I need more on it [or] I need more me-time so that I can pace myself. Sometimes I like to cram it, but then I find myself out of steam.

What’s your media diet?
At the end of my workday, around 8, I’ll go into my bedroom and I’ll start with CNN, I’ll move to Rachel Maddow, and then I’ll hear Fox, so I can hear what they’ve got to say. I get a lot of alerts on my iPhone, [so] throughout the day I’m listening to news [on] Apple News.

Lee Daniels and I are doing the same things--fasting, meditating, exercising, consuming vitamins, viewing media that we disagree with--but he's doing it better. He's an excellent role model for us over-60's.

One other thing that I'm striving to do is to resist being provoked. Anger, along with pride, is an ancient sin that is too often praised. Lee Daniels has advice on that subject, too.

What’s one piece of advice you’ve gotten that’s guided you?
It’s never personal. Don’t take it personal.

Pentecost, 2020

Red, the liturgical color of Pentecost, doesn't show
as brightly during a streaming church service

It's easy to get riled up, whichever side you're on. If you want to be outraged about racial injustice and police brutality, go for it, you'll be outraged for the rest of your life. If you're angry about the double standard of ordering you to practice social distancing at the beach but not if you're rioting, stop being so deplorable--certain groups are allowed to break windows, but sorry, not yours.

So take a breath, masked or not, and make sure that you tend to yourself, your loved ones, and your property. Then turn on the tube if you must and get riled up by the actions of people who are very likely far, far from your neighborhood.

Speaking of breath, today is Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came to earth and breathed life into the church.

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.-----Acts 2:1-4

Turn Off, Tune Out, Drop The Subject

(WSJ graphic)

The state of politics stresses out many Americans: [bold added]

A study published in September in the journal PLOS One found that politics is a source of stress for 38% of Americans.

“The major takeaway from this is that if our numbers are really anywhere in the ballpark, there are tens of millions of Americans who see politics as exacting a toll on their social, psychological, emotional and even physical health,” says Kevin Smith, lead author of the study and chair of the political science department at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

The study included 800 people in a nationally representative poll and asked them 32 questions. Among the findings:
* 11.5% say politics has adversely affected their physical health.
* 18.3% say they’ve lost sleep because of politics.
* 26.4% say they have become depressed when a preferred candidate lost.
* 26.5% say politics has led them to hate some people.
* 20% say differences in views have damaged a valued friendship.

...Common problems include sleep disturbances and falling out with family members and friends with divergent views. Social media battles are another source of tension. [Dr. Amanda Johnson, Iowa psychologist,] advises patients to take breaks from social media and watching the news. “If they want to be engaged, we work on finding ways they could have some effect on change, like becoming more involved with a campaign,” she says.

She also encourages patients to set boundaries with family and friends to avoid inflammatory conversations.

Too bad the survey didn't provide details about the political views of those who are losing sleep, initiating the breakup of friendships, or feeling angry. I daresay the vast majority of the troubled oppose President Trump. Living in the great Blue State of California, I often experience people bringing politics into discussions--usually out of nowhere and usually not just critical but scornful of the President.

I remarked on this anger and polarization in 2008, breathing a sigh of relief when President Obama was elected though I didn't vote for him:.

Put in the pictures of Hillary Clinton and Donald
Trump, and the matrix is still valid

For nearly eight years we’ve had to put up with not just whining but vituperative outbursts at home, in classes, at work, on TV, in coffee shops, and in bookstores. Exposure to the enraged is very wearying, if not hazardous to one’s health. Most conservatives avoided political arguments because they often culminated in personal insults and screaming fits.

Frankly, I feared a McCain come-from-behind win because of the anger his victory would have unleashed. (Take the Proposition 8 protests in California and multiply by a thousand.) The Obama triumph, on the other hand, has triggered overwhelming exultation in those who voted for him and only anxiety and disappointment---but very few instances of anger---in McCain supporters.

I thought that not only the Obama victory but the Democratic sweep in 2009-2010 would have ratcheted down the temperature in American politics. Everyone can see that the pendulum swings, power isn't permanent, and each side gets a chance. Boy, was I wrong; in 2019 the anger seems more pronounced than ever.

My advice, which I've followed (most of the time) during the Obama and Trump years: Turn Off the television, Tune Out the news, and drop politics from your discussions.

Of Specks and Logs

Part of the lesson I read aloud today:

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. --- Ephesians 4.

In these politicized times, we like to point out how angry and maniacal the other guy is. But Paul's words are meant as a reminder to ourselves, not as a scold for others.

(Related - Rule 6 of Jordan Peterson's Rules for Life: Set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world.)

Organizer Shelley with some of the backpacks blessed today.

On a happier note, this was the first year our church participated in a backpack drive for foster kids at the beginning of the school year.

The goal was to collect 25, but we actually received 40 backpacks, plus supplies and cash donations, not bad for a congregation with 70-80 attendees every Sunday.

Breathe Deeply and Count to Ten

Local sports item: Giants closer Hunter Strickland punches door, breaks pitching hand

In 2017 Strickland brawled with Bryce Harper (Mercury News)

subsequent X-rays revealed that the closer broke his hand after what manager Bruce Bochy described as a “snap” in which he punched a door with his right hand.

After being removed from [Monday's] game with three runs in and one out, Strickland made a “stupid decision,” he confessed a day after the fact.

Strickland underwent surgery Tuesday afternoon to repair his fifth metacarpal....Strickland will miss six to eight weeks.

Who does he think he is, LeBron James?

LeBron James revealed after Friday's [June 8] Game 4 loss to the Warriors that he had been playing with a broken right hand, which he injured following the Cavaliers' heartbreaking Game 1 overtime loss.

James said his emotions got the best of him as he punched a whiteboard in the locker room and called the injury "self-inflicted."

Comments:
1) Players feel the greatest anger when they or a teammate--but not the other team--are to blame for a loss;
2) Professional athletes spend a lifetime training under strict self-discipline. Possible explanations for these explosions of temper: a) the coiled spring snaps; b) roid rage; c) other athletes are doing it, so it's more acceptable.
3) Teams should consider installing padding everywhere, just like they do on goal posts.

Turn it Off, Tune it Out, Drop in in Real Life*

*historical reference to "turn on, tune in, drop out"

Improved communications and social media have a downside: resentment. First, the definition:

Resentment is a feeling of indignation in reaction to a real or perceived slight, a sense of insult or inadequacy caused by the actions, comments or simple existence of someone or something else. It’s the feeling that you’re not getting your fair share, while someone else is getting more than theirs.

How resentment is triggered by modern technology: [bold added]

social media’s prime group of users....use the platforms to present a curated life that quite often shows only the most flattering bits, with the purpose of conveying, or implying, status and standing. You’re quite literally meant to resent their success, or their beauty, or their luck.

(Image from azquotes)

There are numerous other contributors to resentment, such as our (lack of) wealth versus those in our peer group, the career success of our immediate relations, not to mention ourselves, health, physical attractiveness, the list goes on.

The writer, psychologist Peggy Drexler, has two recommendations:

the fix for resentment lies entirely within yourself. It consists of learning to push resentment down—remembering that happiness is found in what you have and not what you don’t.

we can control what we allow ourselves to see. If you find that Facebook or Instagram is making you upset, give yourself a break.

We've said it before, it's impossible to be angry or resentful for long if one cultivates an Attitude of Gratitude.

Rising Above It

Like the stages of grief, I've gone through several stages of irritation over the use of Facebook by some of my friends to trumpet their political views. Of course, I was initially irritated with friends whose politics differed from mine. But then I became irritated with other friends "on my side of the aisle" who wouldn't let up, either.

Facebook is a great way to communicate instantaneously with a large number of people; it also is a great way to inflame. From Politics Have Turned Facebook Into a Steaming Cauldron of Hate

Nearly everybody reported that they’d blocked, muted, or unfollowed people with extreme — and extremely different — political views.

I refuse to go down the rathole of argumentation and believe the worst about people with different views. Not everyone on one side is a gun-toting, racist homophobe, and not everyone on the other side is an elitist snob with zero real-world experience. In fact, I read a variety of publications, such as the Huffington Post, Slate, the National Review, and the Weekly Standard, along with mainstream big media, and I find that there's reasoning behind the thinking that I disagree with. Occasionally, I change my mind.

Politics is very important to a few--most in my circle post about their families--but that's what friendship is, listening to what's important to others. Nothing that they post about is worth breaking the bond.

Below are Facebook posts from a friend on the left and a friend on the right, both women. And I love them both (the final stage of irritation?).

The Anger Trap: More Powerful Than Ever

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
-- Proverbs 22:24-25

(Telegraph image)

Before the modern era anger was not a virtue, in fact it was one of the seven deadly sins.

Nowadays if you are angry for the "right" reasons many people will follow you, you'll get on the nightly news, and you may even get elected to high office. And if you destroy property and harm people because you are angry about the way things are or will be shortly, you are also rewarded with fame and clicks. There is plenty of anger on display by all sides.

Your humble blogger is not immune from anger and sometimes allowed it to control his decisions. Although some say that anger can be used as motivation and channeled into productive uses, I have found its costs to be much greater than any benefits. As King Solomon wrote about the anger trap, don't "get yourself ensnared."

BTW, don't suppress or vent your anger. Try reappraisal.

Understanding or Anger?

(YouTube image)

The minister's grief was evident as he began his homily:

This past week was a sad and terribly tragic week in which two black men, one in Baton Rouge, and another in St. Paul, Minnesota were shot and killed by police, only to be followed by the killing of five police officers and the wounding of another seven police officers and two civilians in Dallas....What do these events say about the United States of America as a nation? What are we to do?

I know from past discussions that he, like many Episcopal clergy, subscribe to the social justice movement, which holds that most of our troubles are the result of "-isms", i.e., racism, sexism, capitalism, and the values traditionally associated with Middle America, such as the Protestant ethic and the right to bear arms.

But today he took off his social-justice warrior hat and tried to bridge the gap in understanding [bold added]:

The young people behind the Black Lives Matter movement intend to be provocative. But in being provocative and prophetic, they are not being correctly heard. The Black Lives Matter movement has been countered by an “All Lives Matter” movement, and a “Police Lives Matter” movement. Steve Hartman of CBS News said this weekend that a necessary word needed is the word “some.” Some police shoot and kill young black men, not all police. Some young black men are out of control and dangerous, not all. Some people are racist, not all. Imagine if the word “too” was added so it would say, “Black Lives Matter too.” Wouldn’t this get to the point that black lives, as any other life matters? Wouldn’t it still point to the ongoing national tragedy of the killing of young black men?

"Black lives matter, too," has been suggested before. Whether one uses the phrase depends on whether one is trying to change the hearts of the indifferent and antagonistic or whether one is trying to silence them with one's righteous anger.

Note: the minister's sermons may be downloaded here.

Controlling One of the Deadly Sins

(Image from Medical Daily)

One basic marker of growing up is learning how to control one's anger at other people. However, suppression isn't the answer.

What happens in the brain when you try to clamp down on that rage? A whole mess of bad stuff.

Your ability to experience positive feelings goes down — but not negative feelings. Stress soars. And your amygdala (a part of the brain closely associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

The opposite of suppression, venting, isn't the solution either.

Venting intensifies emotion....“getting it out” tends to snowball your anger.

Psychologists and neuroscientists recommend reappraisal, that is, telling yourself another story about the person who triggered your anger.

You want to scream back. Or even hit them.

But what if I told you their mother passed away yesterday? Or that they were going through a tough divorce and just lost custody of their kids?

You’d let it go. You’d probably even respond to their anger with compassion.

A reappraisal story is likely fictional--your conscious mind even knows this--but it's enough to get past your initial flash of anger and prevent your own angry response.

I now realize that I have long used a (more immature) form of reappraisal to get through the day. Whenever an aggressive driver pushes into my lane then slams on his brakes, I think about all the accidents he must have and how high his insurance rates must be. I've had my share of bad bosses who scream at their staff, and I imagine how that Type A behavior will land them in an early grave.

It's hard to be angry against someone whom you're pitying (of course, don't tell them that because that could make them angrier).